Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
