I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
