i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
