He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
