I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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