I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i think i have herpe
just one?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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