The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
