Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
