Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.