Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.