people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me