i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean