sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage