A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been