ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.