Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid