I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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