I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
