Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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