i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
