Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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