I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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