he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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