My cat gives me a boner
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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