ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
