he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
