I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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