JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
