Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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