My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
