eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
