god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
