His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize