Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
