So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
