I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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