69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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