oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There r osticjed everywhere
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
