At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
