do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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