I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
