I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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