He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
