yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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