the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
