Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
