brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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