my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
