were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
