I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
