So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
