she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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