I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
