After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
