Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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