oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
COCAINE IS GR8
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
