I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
