She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
