I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The uberlube is also flammable
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
