the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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