That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The beer is more important than you right now.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
