Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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