i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
