Already got asked if we're dating
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
