Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
