you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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