I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
