She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
