i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
