she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
