dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
