Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
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Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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