sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He better not be in your backpack
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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