My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
