if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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