i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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