Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
