I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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