I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
