I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
